Posts tagged ‘low self esteem’

19 December 2011

Who is looking for love online? Online dating Serie 1

This article is the first of a serie of 4. They will all be out before next year. Bonne lecture!

We all have someone we know who met their lovers online. This new way of dating has been going on for many years now and it is here to stay. In 2000, I was spending many hours on the computer (for study) and meeting people online was possible, easy and so exciting. These days when you were online, you would not tell people too much. If you were dating online, you were consider a desperate case or people would wonder what is wrong with you.

I don’t understand, you are not that bad!

Today, dating sites and social medias  facilitates  communication, the search for online dating has never been so easy to meet someone.

Who’s dating online? Everyone?

Based on a  research done by Kim and Al[i],  not everybody subscribes to these sites. Online daters have some characteristics, here is what they discover.

  1. People who date online are more sociable. For sociable people, dating sites are just an additional way to find love (or whatever). This finding contradicts the popular belief that people who use these sites are anxious and desperate loners.
  2. People who have a good self-esteem [ii] and consider romantic relationships as an important part of their lives subscribe to online dating services.
  3. People with low self-esteem who do not consider romantic relationships as an important part of their lives will date  online.
  4. When people have low self-esteem and see romantic relationships as an important part of their lives do not go to online dating sites.

Are you surprised?

The researchers explain the finding this way: people with lower self-esteem are anxious to show themselves to a multitude of strangers, they don’t want  their negative self-view be seen by others or take the risk that it would be spread publicly.  Instead, they will adopt avoidance strategies and distance themselves from online dating.   If the success of romantic relationships is the domain of self-worth, people with low self-esteem  have more to loose and that could explain why they are less present on the dating sites.


[i] Kim, M., Kwon, K-N & Lee, M. (2009). Psychological Characteristics of Internet Dating Service Users: The Effect of Self-Esteem, Involvement, and Sociability on the Use of Internet Dating Services. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 12(4). DOI: 10.1089=cpb.2008.0296.

[ii] Self esteem is your opinion of yourself. High self esteem is a good opinion of yourself and low self esteem is a bad opinion of yourself.

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