Posts tagged ‘etiquette’

5 January 2012

Who is looking for love online? part 3

This is the 3rd and final part of the  Online Dating series. The 1st was about the phenomenon of online dating. The 2nd, the way people present themselves and the 3rd and last part is about  online dating Etiquette and basic safety tips.

* Etiquette*Golden Rules *Good manners*

With a little research I quickly found a wide range of tips and ways of doing online dating. Depending on your personality, you will be comfortable with some advice and not with others. Take what you need and drop the rest.

Here is a collection of good advice that I found adorned with small extra of my own. Enjoy!

A) Monsieur, when you approach a woman on the web, avoid at all costs to make a too simplistic introductions like: “Want to chat?” Or “You’re beautiful!” period!  When we do not know someone, this is not enough  to start a conversation. If you are brave enough to approach women, read her presentation, customize your first move, go with «You’re sailing?», «I read on your presentation that …» followed by an anecdote and an invitation to come see your page and come back to say hello if she likes it.  Remember that women receive a lot of messages on the web, you must stand out from the crowd  by making it nice and easy for her to chat with you.

One situation that unfortunately happens often: A sends a message to B but B is not interested, 2 options are possible:

1. You are not interested then why write and give a negative answer? No response = A response

2. You are not interested but you want to answer. No need to tell a long story or to be rude. A thank you but: you live too far; I have started to correspond with someone;  I prefer men of my age, etc. is acceptable.

How to deal with a refusal?

You can not please everyone. A No for an answer is a refusal  not a rejection of who you are. To write back a rude message is not good for your image and it’s not very mature either. Keep your chin up, a light heart and keep looking.

In the virtual world, it’s ok to chat with more than one person at a time. To chat and exchange emails on the Internet does not oblige you of anything. Sometimes you can be chatting a few times with someone and suddenly it stops. When everything has remained virtual,  you should not be offended if all of a sudden its over. But if you exit the virtual world and meet the person once or twice and it does not click, the least courtesy is to send a short message stating that after these encounters, you realize that your goals are too different and you prefer to stop there, good luck in your search, etc.. If you’ve met more than three times, it might be smarter and nicer to announce your intention to stop dating in person. To end without saying anything after you met is rude, be nice and keep your digital love print clean!

If you meet someone and it does not produce any sparks or the person is not attracting to you, stay calm, do not complain publicly on any forum naming the person’s name! Shouting loudly your disappointment, may push away many attractive partners and  you do not show your beast feature. Unless you have experienced an episode of violence in that meeting, be fare, believe in yourself, keep looking and smile!

You have a rendez-vous?  Great!

Ladies: It is important that you have basic information about the person you’ll meet. Be careful, manage a safe call with  someone you trust and let him-her know about this event: location, time, name of the man you’ll meet,  real name and nickname, email, cell phone number, where he works, in short, as much information as possible. Ask your friend to call you in the middle of the meeting and agree  on a code to say that everything is ok. Call again when the meeting is completed. Be sure to have condoms on you if you happen to want to have sex. Dress comfortable, avoiding perhaps to show too much of your cleavage. You never know, if you are not enjoying yourself too much, it might become awkward to send a double message.

Mister: You were waiting for that moment for awhile so you want to put the odds in your favor. Be punctual, gallant and clean. You have to be at your best. Make sure you look good and smell good. The first impression is important. As I mentioned in my article # 2, people spend an average of 12 hours per week on dating sites, do not take any short cut  now. Remember to bring condoms and if the situation evolve that way,  make sure to use them.

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So this is the first time you meet?  Please, do not you turn that rendez-vous  into police interrogation, stay cool and  relax. Avoid talking about your ex, politics, your countless material possessions, alimony, your unfortunate adventures  with people you date, etc. Talk less, listen and smile more!

You also have to be careful if you tend to drink faster when you are nervous or stressed, you would not want to do a bad move, say stupid things or become too intrusive. If the chemistry takes you both and you spend the night together, make sure you use condoms . Breathe, smile and be Zen!

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Congratulations! Yes! that’s the right person and you decide to give it a chance.

What to do with your online profile?

Keeping your online profile active is not  a good idea. If you want to put the odds in your favor and close the door on temptations, you have to do something. You don’t  want to erase it completely? Then make it clear on your profile that you have started dating a wonderful person and you focus on your love project. Discuss with your new partner about that situation and try to reach an agreement that will please you both. The beginnings of a new couple are a very exciting time and we should not hesitate to set limits when necessary. Some people have all sorts of funny ideas like if this was real love we should not have to talk about this or if I state my limit he-she will leave me. What makes a relationship last is not the absence of conflict but the way conflict is handle when it comes up. Communication and relationship are about managing your needs and wants individually and together. Make sure that both of you are willing to do a lot to make this relationship work.

Online dating is quite special. It is easy, you show beautiful pictures of yourself, write a good presentation and you have lots of messages. It can be even easier, you show some sexy pictures of yourself and instantly,you can be very busy. All this attention can be quite addictive. Some people are addict to sex but you can become addicted to romance as well. If you’ve been online for many years and you seem to go nowhere, never meet the right person, always needing to feed the adrenaline, perhaps professional help could be appropriate. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

There is so much to say about online dating but I’ll save some for later. Feel free to ask questions, to write  a comment or make suggestions.

Mériza

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