False beliefs we carry in our relationships.

Sexuality is an area where many maintain the idea that since sexuality is natural, everything should go without saying. When reality comes in and people realize that things are a little more complex, many do not dare ask questions and they remain silent, pretending to know.

In my practice, I often meet people that maintain erroneous beliefs about sex and married life. This article presents few examples of these beliefs and some clarifications.

• Sex should be spontaneous: When you have to work and do your daily activities, it is possible that the time spent together drops and the intimate moments are more difficult to get. You must then arrange to create moments where you have time and energy for a sexual quality time together. A “quickie” is suitable occasionally  but you cannot built a solid relationship based on that kind of sex life without risking permanent damage. You may need to start making appointment with your lover. When you do that, you can be creative and make this encounter enjoyable, sexy and pleasant.
• When you really love each other, there are no arguments. Its  is not the absence of conflict that allows couples to last but rather how they manage conflicts.
• Sexually, I should not have anything to say, my boyfriend or girlfriend should know what I like, what makes me happy in bed or else… As modern as our civilization is today, we are not yet returned to the telepathic exchanges. Be responsible for your pleasure and say what you like in bed. Guide your partner and partners, listen to what the other tells you and do not assume you know everything or that you should know everything. Please, do not think you’re incompetent when the other expresses preferences.
• If our love is real, we will always want to be and will always be together. Be continuously bonded to one another can become heavy in the long run.  You must be careful not to drop all your personal interests and activities when you are in a relationship. Missing the partner a little, having new things to say, keep a passionate hobby is important. Its your color and that’s why your partner got attracted to you.  Of course, I dont mean spending all you evenings doing separate activities. Keep a balance.
• A guy should be able to do everything. This idea was true in  the old days. Today, in contemporary society, women have as much responsibility in the relationship as the partner. You 2 are  co-creators of your relationship and your sexual harmony. Talk, listen and take action together!
• If she or he would really loved me, I would not need to masturbate. When one of you  have a different sex drive, instead of being frustrated, it is sometimes better to masturbate between two intimate moment. But, if you find that you do not have enough sex and this generates a lot of stress and baffles in your marriage, why not seek counselling? Couples therapy can sometimes open up to new ideas and solutions. Often the relationship goes well on many levels but not sexually. Unfortunately, the situation can last for a long period of  time and jeopardize the marriage. Do not wait until the two of you are too exasperated.

Finally, I noticed on occasion that some men do not always pay attention to themselves. While women have long learned to be desirable and desired, men should also develop these skills. Gentlemen, pay attention to your appearance, don’t neglect yourself . If you want your partner to desire you, be appetizing! It is equally important to be dreamable and desirable for your partner.

I know my text may seem strange to some of you but, sexuality often drags crazy ideas that makes shade on your happiness. The person you were yesterday is not exactly the same today. We change and evolve and our couple will too. Give yourself the freedom to learn, to change and to improve your relationship. And don’t forget to give your partner the same freedom to grow and change with you.

Thank you for reading and please do not hesitate to comment, voice your opinion or suggestions.